Thanksgiving Poem

I wrote this several years ago when I was first experimenting with humor writing. I hope you enjoy it and your holiday week.

It started innocent enough,

The Thanksgiving when the turkey was tough.

That Wednesday we got out of bed,

Girded our loins for the cooking ahead,

Opened the fridge, lo and behold!

The whole darn turkey was red from the cold!

Pa said calmly, "Don't you pout.

Put him on the counter; he'll thaw out."

Knowing Pa was wise as Plato,

Ma obeyed and started peelin' a potato.

When she got the taters in the pot,

She started the beans and guess what she plumb forgot!

That turkey sat all afternoon.

It started drying like a prune.

We slept real sound that Wednesday night,

Never dreaming of our plight.

Imagine our great dismay

Thursday morning when the turkey lay,

Just as red and just as raw

As when we set it out to thaw.

We had to cook that bird, and quick,

Or the relatives would have a bone to pick.

Ma turned the oven high as it would go,

there wasn't time for "low and slow."

At eleven , kin-folks began to come,

And still the turkey wasn't done.

Cousin Al, Aunt Betty Sue -

When would that turkey get cooked through?

Uncles, aunts, and all their broods

Came and asked about the food.

"Workin' on it," Ma would say,

Then close her eyes, I think to pray.

We lost a little bit of time

Whenever we heard the door bell chime.

Each time it rang, we got a scare.

Would Grandma and Grandpa be standing there?

Until they came, all had to wait.

But when Grandpa said was when we ate.

"It's done!" Ma cried out in relief.

Pretty soon, she was filled with grief.

Grandma and Grandpa got there soon

And we all went into the dining room.

Before we ate, we asked a blessing.

Especially for the turkey and dressing.

Grandpa took up the carving knife

To serve the worst meal of my life.

Everything seemed quite alright

Until I took my first small bite.

The juicy turkey we had planned

Had turned out dry, tough, and bland.

As I chewed, I looked around.

All the kin-folks chewed and frowned.

I pinched myself, yes, it was true.

Thanksgiving had turned into a turkey-chew!

When Cousin Al had finally swallowed,

He ran like he was being followed.

Next to go was Betty Sue.

She got up and left mid-chew.

The aunts and uncles made for the door

With the cousins, all thirty-four.

Grandma and Grandpa stayed the longest,

As if to prove their jaws were strongest.

Finally, they too retreated.

That turkey had us all defeated.

But of our problem, we made the most.

That's the last Thanksgiving we'll ever host!

Happy Thanksgiving!